Thursday, September 2, 2010

To list or not to list

I have finally decided to broach the topic of 'our friendship' with Mr. Stupid. Yes, I know, it seems a tad bit belated or slow or whatever. But the thing is I hate confrontations and we've only started being civil with each other again this year despite little upheavals like when he started dating Ms Gab-A-Lot.

I didn't want to rock the boat.

But now I don't want to not address the fact that we've crossed over to the 'more than friends' zone more than a few times this year.

It is confusing. And frustrating. And irritating.

So we've decided to discuss it like adults. I suggested. He agreed.

And now I'm freaking out.

I'm better with words when I write out what I feel. Verbal confrontation just makes me nervous.

So I've come up with a list which I am going to carry with me on the day of the confrontation discussion, basically to steer me the right way and so I won't forget what I came to say because I got nervous or angry. (I can just imagine his face when he sees that list)

Anyway the list looks something like this:

So, how crazy am I going to look? :p


miss mary said...

oh dear...

Toni said...

You are going to look crazy as can be. Best not pull out a list in public, trust me on this. Like most men I get annoyed when a girlfriend says what are your plans for the weekend on a Thursday evening.

Little Miss Angry said...

oh dear indeed miss mary.

toni, crazy really? not even quirky. crap. i'm going to be a nervous wreck and was hoping that would keep my train of thoughts. and better yet, we've decided to do this sober which means no substance help either :(

and why men get annoyed over such matters is beyond my comprehension. do enlighten. also, thursday doesn't seem to bad.. if she asked on a monday or tuesday i'd worry ;)

Matt79 said...

I have a different point of view on this: I don't think it sounds crazy at all - it sounds like the kind of thing which I might do, so I wouldn't object to anyone else doing it. But then I can appreciate advance notice of weekend plans too, so maybe I'm an atypical guy.

I think the crucial point in all this is: What do you want? How are you hoping the conversation will go? What kind of agreement from him would you like to come away with?

Lady Papillon said...

before trying to put my 2 cents into this. HI. saw ur posts. LOVE reading it. and will continue. keep it up!

why did i love your post so much? well... i pretty much did the EXACT SAME THING a couple months ago. because i, too, am not very good at verbal confrontations... i think it's because i spend so much time thinking about what i NEED to say... i forget about listening to what HE HAS TO SAY. not to scare you, but mine did not end well. we did somehow "agreed" with everything... but then the outcome was just as if the conversation/confrontation never happened~!

my advice - do it. get your point across. but also try to listen and avoid the "what the f just happened" feeling the next day. =) Good luck!

jassy said...

im in your position, instead I dont have a list BUT I should start one, were together but we are not. We are just friends, but emotions get in the way, what is a women to do ? Hate this so fustrating, and of course its always so easy for the guy.
I say show him the note, ur not crazy at all. If he thinks u are drop em =]

jassy said...

and again, why would he be mad at the list, you talking to him would be those words right of the paper, this is just my opinion of course lol

Larissa said...

So I once pulled out a list on a guy, much like this one, and it ended up under my naked butt while we had sex.

I think that making the list and thinking about all these things really just means you still want something with him. he'll either sense it and, like my guy, take it, take it for granted, but take it anyway, or toss it and run like the wind.

Wombat said...

The current president of the United States cannot make any kind of statement without a teleprompter. Given that fact, a list of topics you want to cover seems an eminently wise decision, LMA.

Disregard the criticism.

American Bridget said...

Just came across your blog and read a few posts and love it! I’ve just started (it’s a work in progress for sure) a new blog about being a singleton in my 30s. Would love to follow you and hope you do the same! You can find me at:


Toni said...

Men hate lists because it starts to look like you have the next fifty years of our lives planned out and as for this list no man ever wants to hear the "I don't want to ruin our friendship" speech - trust me on this. Anyway, doesn't really matter what he thinks, if he was seriously interested he would make his intentions clear - or am I the only all or nothing guy left in the world?

jo said...

i love the list. frankly i'm all for those since i too freak out at verbal confrontations (especially face to face) and am much better with words. it might look slightly strange if you whip out the list though so maybe try and have it memorised in some form and try not to stray away from your intended intention. good luck.

Little Miss Angry said...

firstly, thank you all for your comments. gave me something to think about. but a waste of time it was, because he chickened out. we didn't meet as intended. the list is still in my purse. i'm not sure i want to do this anymore.

matt - i knew what i wanted. i had an 'end' in mind. though i had an ultimatum prepared, deep down i worry if i'd be able to walk away completely from this dude. very complicated BS.

Lady Pappilon - thanks for your comment. honestly, i too was so wrapped up in my thoughts that more likely than not, if the conversation took place, i might not have really 'heard' what he had to say. will keep it in mind if this ever happens. also thanks for reading. i will be checking out your blog :)

jassy - i know. it is so bloody frustrating. especially when the guy just avoids confronting difficult topics hoping everything would just magically fall into place.

larissa - what happened to you would actually be my 'ideal' outcome ;) unless of course it was a tactic just to distract me. but then again, it probably would work. sigh.

wombat - thank you :) your comment made me feel so much better! though like jo said, rather than whip it out, might be better to memorise it in some form.

american bridget - hi. and welcome :) thanks for the follow. will be heading to your blog after this.

toni - i see where you're coming from. and you know what, you probably are. the ones i meet seem to be very happy hanging around somewhere in the middle. i recently did a scan on FB and realised, it's the MEN who seem to love putting up the 'it's complicated' on the relationship status. i don't understand it.

jo - thanks for the luck (though it's a big 'if' it happens). but i get your point. whipping out may be a bit OTT. memorising at some level might help. i mean, if i think i'm forgetting something, i'm sure i can pretend to rummage through my purse and sneak a peek :p