Monday, May 31, 2010


Sex was never a comfortable subject at home when I was growing up. And that’s putting it mildly. When I was 9, I’d just purchased a bookmark from a bookstore and on it was a word I had never seen before - SEX.

So I asked my mum just as we were about to get in the car ‘What is sex?’.

She gave me a horrified look, choked on the drink she was sipping, then demanded angrily where I’d heard the word. Startled by her reaction, I showed her the bookmark I’d purchased and saw her expression change from angry to something inexplicable.. embarrassed? The word ‘Sex’ on the bookmark came below ‘Name’ and ‘Age’. She mumbled something like ‘Oh that just means you write whether you’re male or female’. Slightly hurt that she got angry with me over that, I was silent the whole way home. Her reaction also made me curious. So I remember digging up the dictionary as soon as I got back.

When I was 9, the internet did not exist. I believe, I would have gotten very different answers from google than I did from the dictionary when I looked up the word. It did not tell me anything. My friends at school, and I come from an all girls school, were as clueless as me.

I read my first Mills and Boons novel when I was fourteen. Halfway through the book, I had to stop and look up words such as ‘nipple’ and ‘suckle’ and ‘manhood’ and ‘engorged’. I watched my 1st porno movie at a friends place when I was sixteen. She had stolen it from her brothers porn stash and invited us all over to watch it together after school. We giggled as we watched the actors slowly get naked and start kissing each other…everywhere. I, however, was horrified at the sight of a man spreading a womans leg and licking her there. I didn’t know people did that! But in the end, we agreed it was all very educational.

By now, I knew what sex was, no thanks to my parents or school. Porn tapes and romance novels fed everything I knew about sex at seventeen. It was also the year I shared my first kiss with a guy who was four years older than me, a bad boy of sorts whom I had a big thing for at the time. It was at the last row of a cinema and I gasped when he reached for my breast. He wanted to go further, but I was too anxious and pushed him away. We might have continued as he was pretty persistent in his kissing and his groping, only the movie ended. I never met him again. 

First times anyone? ;)


Toni said...

My first time was when I was 14 at a party, I hardly remember the girl, she was 18. A lot of people say their first time was rubbish but mine was brilliant, I walked out of that place with a strut.

I had come close to "losin' it" a few times before as I used to hang out in some pretty sleazy dives when I was a supernumary on the ship my dad worked on. There was a quite aggressive lady of the night in a bar in Port Klang who was determined to be my first and also in a notorious bar in Tema, Ghana. On both times I was all for it but one of the other officers from the ship would lay down the law and ruin my chances.

M.E.mahogany said...

My first time was when I was 17. I gave it up to my dance instructor who was 6 years older than me. We did it in a park one weekday morning. He was not aware I was a virgin, and I was not going to tell him. I had lusted after this man for more than 2 years. I'm my mind the time had finally come. He was gentle, it didn't last long, and I was glad when it was over. I got pregnant that day. I didn't have sex again for about a year and a half.

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

First time was with my long-term high school boyfriend. We had been together for a year already, so we were both definitely ready for it to happen! Not much to talk about, but I'm glad I waited to do it with someone I cared about. He was all proud because we did it 'twice' that day, haha.

Snafugirl said...

My first time was at 13 years old with my boyfriend of 9 months. It was on a blanket in his living room while his parents were away for the day. He left the back door open so we could sneak in. He told them he was staying at a friend's house, as they didn't want him home alone.

Needless to say, Snaf was in the making at a ripe young age :)

PS- Your writing is really improving. Keep up the good work.

jo said...

sex is a very comfortable topic for my mom. in the sense that she sat me down at the tender age of 8 to explain to me (using her hands no less!) the birds and the bees. i was more traumatised than she was. not 'coz of the content but at the fact that my mom is waaay too comfy bout it. since then it has been bout telling me that premarital sex is wrong. i actually wished she would stop talking bout sex altogether haha!

little miss angry said...

toni - port klang?? really?? that's about an hour away from my place! gosh. and stupid officers for spoiling your fun.. but at least your 1st was brilliant ;)

mahogany - wow. that really must have been huge to deal with especially for a seventeen year old :( did you tell him about the pregnancy?

30ty - lol. guessing it was his first too :)

snaf - so you were. unlike you i was such a late bloomer :p and thanks!

jo - ok, now i'm not sure which is worse.. a mum who refuses to talk about sex or one who's too comfortable talking about it! lol.

Queenie said...

My parents never ever, not even once, mentioned the word 'sex' to me, when I was younger. I had to figure it out on my own and of course, growing up in church...I was taught that it was bad and dirty, well I wanted to be a bad and dirty girl.

I swore to myself to not teach my son that sex was dirty, people get a complex later on in life trying to digest that lie.

My first time was in a rocking chair. It sucked and it was a wasted knotch in my belt, don't worry- I made up for it though!