Monday, March 15, 2010

Fools in love

I was talking to my friend last night. She’s with a guy who appears not ready to be in a committed relationship. His excuse is that he is focusing all of his time and energy to his work. Relationships require too much effort and he just cannot afford it right now. If that is not an indication of a guy who’s not ready to be with you, I’m not sure what is. But my friend, who despite wanting more from him, is meeting him for drinks this week. She is aware of all the facts, but she just likes him too much to refuse.

Are we all fools when it comes to love?

I’m trying to maintain a platonic relationship with a guy I thought I loved a while ago. But if all I want is to be just friends why does the idea of him being with someone else make me feel that someone has punched me in the stomach? And why is it that whenever Lady Gaga sings her bad lyrics ‘I don’t wanna be friends…want your bad romance’ I find myself bopping my head, nodding and agreeing and thinking of only one person in particular.

Sometimes I wonder, is love really so complicated or am I just making it so. Do I only want what I cannot have? Am I only after the chase? Why is it that almost always the anticipation of my time together with someone feels better than the reality of it? And then why does it again seem better on hindsight? Is it nostalgia - making it more romantic than it really was? Every time we put pen to paper, we are writing on hindsight, riding on something that has already happened, something in the past. And when we write it, do we embellish, making what was only mediocre seem more special than it truly was?

Love should be experienced and not just felt, I read that somewhere. But in most of my past relationships I feel I’ve only felt it, either anticipating something that is going to happen and then thinking about it fondly on hindsight. Was it because the experience in itself was so fleeting? In all honestly I can only think of one time when I truly felt I was experiencing love. My then boyfriend was sitting at the computer trying to get some work done and I was sitting on the couch next to him trying to read. I looked up to find him frowning, deep in concentration. Wanting some attention myself, I went up to him and sat on his lap facing him. I remember him smiling then gently pushing my head to rest on his chest where I could hear his heartbeat. I closed my eyes and allowed him to continue working. The love I felt for him at that point was so overpowering that I made a mental note to never forget it. And I never did.

Is it sad that I can only recall one such incredible moment of love? I’m sure I have experienced others, it’s just that I can’t recall them. Fleeting moments passed by, never to be relived or felt again the same way.

And we keep putting ourselves out there, going on dates, meeting new people trying to make a connection, trying to recapture the feeling of being in love with someone who could possibly make us feel those moments...again.

And therein lies one of my biggest fears - what if I don't?

These moments are so rare, so few and so fleeting – it just does not seem enough. I feel I’m missing out on something bigger. There must be more to love than these rare, few, fleeting moments. Otherwise, I’m thinking.. love is overrated.


Toni said...

I think you have hit on it, true pleasure is brief. Happiness comes in tiny slices. The rest is just memories or anticipation. After a while, scar tissue hardens over the wounds that are left when you expose yourself to happiness. You still feel, but a more distant numbness. Maybe, if your lucky, you find love again but it isn't quite the same. Scar tissue rubbing against scar tissue isn't as pleasurable. This is my story, I am sure others have different ones. Love isn't overrated it is just harder to find and feel than the media will have us believe. Perhaps love is sacrificed on the alter of gratification like everything else. You wouldn't expect to find a Renoir in a dime store but it doesn't stop us looking for love in all the wrong places.

Kate said...

I think it sometimes depends what we are looking for. I spent a long time with a man that I knew would never be what I wanted him to be. Thinking about it though I wonder if it was partially I wasn't ready to settle down so deliberately choose someone similar. I think love comes along when you least expect it... well I am hoping.

it should be simple said...

<3 this post

Kitty Moore said...

I'm a true romantic - maybe unrealistically so. I used to love reading fairy tales as a little girl and I think somewhere in the back of my head I am still waiting for my knight in shining armour to sweep me off my feet. My expectations are high so I am always left disappointed. Or it could be self-sabotage because I don't want to commit totally to someone. I'm happy that you experienced that incredible moment of love once - some people never do. Just stay open to the idea of it happening again and it will x

theblueeyedboy said...

I was nodding along in agreement to pretty much all of this.

little miss angry said...

toni - i think you've hit the spot. which is why i guess you never experience anything quite like your 1st love.

kate - here's to hoping

it should be simple - thanks :)

kitty - i looked into my friend's eyes the other day and asked him 'don't you want to just be swept off your feet' and he said 'yes'. so its not just you and i. i believe a whole lot of people feel the same. here's to staying open ;)

theblueeyedboy - :)