Saturday, February 20, 2010

I'm being set-up

My mum is setting me up on a date.

I cannot believe I've reached a point in my life where my mum thinks she needs to interfere with her daughters dating life for fear of having her daughter become a middle aged woman without a man in tow. She's obviously fearing the fact that having touched the big 30, I'm still without a husband prospect in sight. 30 is ancient in her books to be without a man and to top that she's gone beyond hinting that she'd like to be a grandmother.... soon.

I love my mum. But I am glad I live a whole 2 hour distance away from her, thus limiting our face to face confrontations about my love life. She manages to get her messages across over the phone though. Its maddening when I've had a perfect Saturday all to myself, lazing in bed with the nicest book and even nicer music in the background, only to have the magic broken with a call from my mum exclaiming "What? You've been in bed the whole day?" like its the worst sin in the world before adding "How are you expecting to meet men if you lie in bed all day like this?".

Anyway, I got a call from her yesterday telling me that she got a call from an aunt of mine about a 'nice' and 'handsome' boy who is a son of a friend of hers who just started working around my area. He's apparently looking to meet new 'friends' and my mum and my aunt have decided that I should do lunch or dinner with him. I retorted saying if he was so 'nice' and 'handsome' why did he need help making 'friends'. My mum told me to not be rude.

Firstly, I don't trust this particular aunt's judgement in men. Secondly and more importantly, why would a grown up man need help from his mum to set him up? Is he so lazy that he couldn't be bothered to make his own efforts to finding a date and would rather rely on his mum to get him one? That or he is really ugly.

I'm not in the least bit intrigued. But you try saying no to my mum. Suffice to say, I've agreed to meet him... but only for coffee next week. I'm not going to suffer through a meal on a date set up by conspiring aunts and mums. My mum agreed reluctantly saying dinner would be much nicer though. But I stood my ground - its coffee or nothing at all- and the tiny win did placate me a little bit. Anyway, I'm thinking, if anything, this might give me some material to blog about.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Mr. Stupid

I started this blog as an angry retaliation towards Mr. Stupid. Along the way it has become something else, but I began writing the blog because I had all this anger towards this one person and no real way of channeling it.

Anyway, it started because I thought Mr. Stupid had wronged me in some way. Led me on and then blew me off. We were so close emotionally and physically, but when it finally came down to making a decision about us, I felt he made the wrong one. I was so mad.

The thing is, he was no 'great' love of mine. We were never in a 'real' relationship. We never called each other cute names. But we did spend enourmous amounts of time with each other. We talked to each other every day. Sometimes for hours. Most important, we laughed together. He was my friend.. and so much more. A friend with benefits of sorts. I thought we were so in tune with each other, we should definitely take this to the next level. He thought not. I couldn't understand why and behaved like a child who did not get that candy she wanted. I threw tantrums. I got petulant. And when all that failed I used guilt. But it was like hitting myself against the wall, because my outbursts never got me the responses I wanted. On hindsight, of course, I realise I took the worst approach possible.

And because I had done all I could to anger him in real life and because on some level I realised what I was doing wasn't just hurting him, but me too, I took my angry venting online. Hence, this blog. Along the way, the anger dissipated, of course, and I moved on. And we're civil now, at least most of the time minus a couple of slip ups. I still care about him, not in the crazy way before, thank god and I'm pretty sure he genuinely cares about me too.

The only problem is as much as I still want him in my life, I am afraid of history repeating itself. The danger is I feel so comfortable with him and we know each other so well, that we sort of fall into a false pattern of ease, using each other to fill up the gap of not having a significant other in our lives. And then slowly and sneakily, without really any conscious decision on my part, I end up wanting more. And that's square one for you.

Its dangerous. And its stupid. Because, by doing this, we're not really allowing each other to grow or move on in the real sense of the word. So as much as I'm enjoying his tentative re-entrance into my life under the guise of a platonic friend, I'm not sure how long that's going to last until the truth about how I really feel about our situation comes to the surface.

Looks like I'll have to wait and see.