Friday, November 14, 2008

One night stands

Who's to say a woman can't enjoy a one night stand.

I'm still a little heady from the rush of my little encounter two nights ago. It was unexpected which added to the excitement. Plus, he was cute.

After my last few emotional disasters in the bedroom this past year, what happened two nights ago was extremely liberating. No emotional attachment. No expectations. And well some real carnal action. We were both a little drunk and the location required us to perform some acrobatic stunts, but it was more the novelty of getting some action than actually getting any REAL action that kept us going at it. It was funny at parts, and now when I think about it way reckless.

But mostly it was just fun.

Till I woke up the next day late for a meeting.

But for now, I'm one very naughtily satisfied woman.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Letter to the @$#%hole

Dearest (NOT!) Mr.Stupid,

My arrogant pride will stop me from sending this letter to you ever. Even letting you know I'm angry at you somehow feels like I'm revealing a weakness.

I'll never forgive you for the way you treated me. Someone you claimed to be a friend but you could not stop to take the time to talk things out. Especially when you knew I so badly wanted to talk. That I was hurting pretty bad yet still desperately trying to save us. Whatever was left of this 'friendship'. One that seemed we were both just set out to destroy with one stupid behaviour after another. One unforgiveable act after another. I wanted to talk things out, to try set the record straight. To have you say to my face what you really should and to let me just spill out whatever I'm feeling too. To get pass this limbo and just move on. I'm sure we could have, if only you'd have bothered to listen.

I hate you. I hate you for being a coward. And I hate you for the way you treated me. And I hate you for making me feel this way.

I know I'm flawed too. And if I gave you a chance you'll list every single one of my faults down and rub it in my face. But this is my letter. And I'm saying - I HATE YOU.

You had the audacity to talk to a friend about how you felt about me. Painted yourself to be a matyr I'm sure. Of course you claimed to be blameless. I'm the one who expected too much. I'm the one who wanted more. I'm the one who gave you a hard time. You told her things you should have told me. And I was really mad at you for it. Still am.

If I didn't behave the way a friend should have, you were much much worse. You led me on every step of the freaking way. Then you claimed innocent of every single act, every single line you uttered to me. But like a fool I was blinded by your easy charm and even easier smile.

Falling for you would be something I'd be able to live with. On my defense, you were an easy person to love. Or to want to love.

But what I'll not forgive or forget is how you decided to end it. How you didn't have the decency to hear me out. And how you went back on your promise to be my friend for always. No matter what. How you said you'd always be there for me - that I could rely on that much.

Such fat fucking lies.

I guess I should have known better. I mean words are just words. I've always held myself back from trusting people who say these things. I've always thought myself to be smarter than that.

I just thought you were different.

How bloody lame that sounds now.

Never again. Never EVER again.

And I'll get over you. I know I will. And I refuse to shed another tear for you.